“By the grace of God I am what I am.”
1 Corinthians 15:10
I love that verse.
~Anonymous
Just cause I know that if it wasn’t for Gods grace I would NOT be where I am today. Up until last year around this time, when I took the DOK class (thank you ma ma Shedd) I mean right up until the very, very last minute like the week before I started the class in my head I was content I was happy, I was having “fun” even if I felt like crap a few days after wards. I have 2 years of being a church Christian and when I wasn’t in church I lived for myself. I still haven’t got to a point where I can fully share in detail all the things I have did…some things I have never told anybody at all. And if my life had have lined up with my actions I would not be in the same place right now, actually I fear where I would be without the AMAZING transformation that happened in my life in the DOK class.I mean honestly before I came to this class post things in my life were not producing fruit for God…. I had done many sexual things with different guys…I had had sex every way but the normal way… I would leave church and do that and get high, I was living a lie, and I didn’t even care about it, that’s the thing that brothers me now the most…I can’t believe I didn’t care.
I did ecstasy , And I loved the feeling of that high, I loved it so much that I would do what I had to do to get that high….
There were times when I woke up not knowing what had happened the night before, and being in a total daze, that got me into a LOT of sticky situations as you can probably imagine. I still don’t remember what happened those nights, and I think it’s probably best that I don’t. I was on probation ALL of my 15th year of life, and I probably should be in jail right now just cause I broke the rules so many times, but thank the Lord that I’m not.
I realize now that my life was completely trashed at that point, but it took me awhile to realize it then. Last summer I went to my last party with a friend who shall remain name-less. : ) I did my last round of drugs, (I was celebrating getting off of probation and being able to break the law again…I know stupid) and that last high was my worst, I don’t know what happened but nor do I remember all of the things that happened that night, I just remember that I felt like crap the whole time, my emotions were going crazy…I think that’s when my actual life couldn’t hide anymore, the pain of what was really going on in my soul came through and I saw how ugly my life was without Jesus, I felt all of the pain that I had brought on to myself that I had been pushing to the back of my life came rushing through. That was one of the worst nights of my life.That’s when I KNEW something had to happen in my life, I didn’t know it was going to be daughter of the king, I wasn’t even going to take daughter of the king, but I did! Even though the battle in my brain was going insane at that time just for me to sign this little piece of paper, which really was me, saying “I want change” And I got change. I never expected that broken down little girl to be a grown up and a %100 stronger only a year form then, If you asked me last year who I was I would have said that I was still finding myself, ask me that today and I’ll tell you that I’m a daughter of the king and that I matter in heaven and that God has given me purpose on this world, rather if its just to give a hug to someone or to give someone a encouraging word…whatever it is I know that God can use me, and that who I was doesn’t have to define me today.
Before I thought that who I was would always follow me, now I know that my past is OVER and my future is secure. I know that God is always there and that he never leaves my side. Even in hard times I still know who God is. “God is who he is no matter where I am) This turned into a DOK testimony ha-ha WOW who knew that was going to happen.
Anyways, I still stumble sometimes sadly…but I don’t sit and wallow in my mistakes. I get up, I repent and I keep moving forward, I wasted enough time. I made a pact to live for God and not turn back and I’m sticking to it.
